I don’t know where to start…
There are some many things I want to share at the moment about my Second Life.
So many of you may realize my sudden disappearance from SL and ask a simple question WHY?…
The reason can be explained in 2 words:
REAL LIFE
A while ago everything was just amazing in SL at least for me with my lovely MUVEnation family and great friends everywhere in SL. I was working in Surrey Island, studying in MUVEnation, having conferences in Idaho and showing off in Emerge runway.
But all these things went down with a simple problem: “slow internet speed”.
Actually everything wasn’t that simple. I had to physically move within 3 counties, move my house twice, and face the fact that where I am standing right now there is not internet higher than 512 which is not even reliable…
It’s just funny, how a simple thing can destroy whatever you work for it so hard, isn’t it….
Three days ago, for a second I felt 0.01% of what disable people feel in their everyday life when I couldn’t move myself because of the low internet connection. It was awful.
That day I had a meeting with StevenW and Paz, so that they could help me catch up with whatever I was missing. I was standing there, willing to move, to talk, to fly and most of all to CREATE but I could not even walk, my texts were not being shown in the local chat and everything was gray. I was trapped in my own virtual body and real mind.
The feeling was so real that I was CRYING in Real Life, realizing that my brain is disconnected from my SL body…. no matter what I wish to do, they will just stays in my brain, and my body and environment is not functioning based on my commands.
So I can loudly announce that: I AM VIRTUALLY DISABLED
I created this term to describe my current situation. It is important to mention here, I person in SL is either all right or has combination of disabilities that puts too many emotional pressures on the person. When someone is visually disabled he/she is unable to see things in the right way, unable to walk and fly properly, unable to communicate with others. But for me none of them is as bad as being unable to create, to rez objects, write scripts to make something amazing.
Not many people might exactly feel what I am feeling now and many more will consider it as stupid expression. But, I’m sure those of you that have been around long enough to have your own Virtual Identity can understand me and feel my frustrations and emotions.
Considering it bad luck, destiny or whatever; this is a situation which I have to deal with for a while and hopefully it will not cost me my MUVEnation course. But, what I learnt from it is the new concept of “being virtually disabled” which I would never be able to find it otherwise.
February 15, 2009 at 10:03 pm
A big HUG (in capital letters, so it’s bigger). I understand your frustration and I hope that you will be back soon to normal bandwith. We all were missing you, and wondering where have you disappeared
)
see you soon
February 17, 2009 at 8:50 am
Dear Viki,
I have been wondering where you have been. Not seeing you under my online friends, thinking about RL pressure and problems… And yes, I know the feeling of frustration given by low speed connection, but also lag, multiple crashes… Not joining where you are expected, not being when you want to be: digitally disabled. And also to the others, because moving slow, not speaking, appearing and disappearing you may look as digitally stigmatized.
Just think that this is a temporal situation. Yo can escape from this. we are looking forward to see you back. And I will provide all the necessary support for you to catch up.
Besides I encourage you to write this story, in our stories from the field database. We may return to it later and learn something from it.
February 17, 2009 at 11:43 am
thanx a lot Anna and Paz for your support
Paz: could you please IM me the link and I would be happy to put the story there… I have talked with Corwin too which is now metor of Virtaul ability
I am trying my best to catch up and join my MUVE family soon
February 22, 2009 at 1:41 am
Oh, Viki,
I finally had the time to read your entry (I was too busy and stressed out because of my workshop before). I join Anna in sending you a big, big hug, hoping to see you back in MUVEnation soon. I missed running into you on the island at odd hours!
In any case, I’ll come to your workshop tomorrow: how could I miss an opportunity to see my favourite virtual tree sprout to life from butterfly wings ?